i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
