Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
