first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Someone shit on the floor
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
