Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
