So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
