I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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