So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
