If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't put those talents on a resume
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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