Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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