I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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