Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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