it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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