Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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