i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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