new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
