I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
