just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
