Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
