I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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