You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
