My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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