I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
