Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
