at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
