Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
