either way he was missing a nipple.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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