my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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