I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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