That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
