you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
