Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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