I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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