There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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