Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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