Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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