Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
