9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
