From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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