Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
we should paint friendship bongs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
