Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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