Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
