He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
