So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
