My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
