ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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