The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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