OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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