Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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