well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
