Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
