I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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