her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
