and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's rum buckets o'clock
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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