so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
50% drunk capacity currently
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
