He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
