got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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