therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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