Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
