I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
