I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
