Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
