someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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