I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
