my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
