Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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