I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
