My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
